BITE SOME

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“Chale I de go find chow buy come; I de hungs. My friend Bobo tapped and excused himself. I had my attention on my Aki Ola Past quo because I didn’t want to repeat what happened last term with Okay, my core Maths teacher.

Okay be that kinda maths teacher who doesn’t care whether you understand the topic or not. His examination questions can get you infected with tuberculosis. In fact, you will end up coughing throughout the examination period.

We are used to calling him “Okay” in his absence because we came to meet our predecessors call him so. 

 According to them, he kept saying okay, okay, throughout his period. The okay he’s been saying is usually rhetorical.  He no really de hia your response like that. Whether you understand the subject or not, he go continue.

For over 30 minutes, Bobo no return from fetching his food. But I didn’t realise it’s been that long cos I was busy solving past maths questions which I still didn’t even understand.

“Charley, bite some”. I felt someone behind me but didn’t turn to look cos I was sure it would be Bobo. We were the only people in the classroom as at 1:15am. “Charley, bite some”. I heard the voice again but this time around, I saw a hand stretched over my right shoulder holding a hot bofrot.

I turned slightly and took the bofrot. Charley e de go on ooo. Where you go get this hot bofrot by this time of the night? Wey vampire sell this give you. I didn’t get any response and I never bothered. I focused on solving my last question which I know I will forget by daybreak. The last time I tried this, I scored 19%. 

Moro er, Okay en maths paper go moan ruf aswear. The way I go romance am then chop am er. En body all go come. I didn’t get feedback on this too. At least what I said should sound funny enough to hear a laughter. Probably Bobo is also learning.

For the third time, a hand stretched over my shoulder again and said, “Charley you for bite some oo” This time around I had to turn. Swiftly I turned. Then I froze.

For the first time in my life, I saw a creature sitting right behind me. This creature looks like a pig. Its body looks like a pig with a human neck and the head is something else. The head was some kind of a big frying pan with lots of bofrots.

I stood still. The classroom was serene and I couldn’t feel my legs. I was feeling cold all of a sudden. My lips were as dry as a dried corn husk. I spent 18 years in Sunday school, yet I forgot Jesus Christ ever existed.

Suddenly I heard another voice and continuously tapping me from behind. “Ma guy, ma guy, yo, tinup, ma guy tinup” This time around, it was Bobo. I turned in a wake realizing it was a dream. I stood up in a haste to get out of the classroom just to realize ma khaki shorts was wet. Ah ma guy, you Piss for body?  Bobo asked in shock.

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